Dear Tessa: First Haircut

Dear Tessa:

One of the first things people always comment on is your beautiful hair.  I take a lot of pride in that because of the few traits you did get from me, a great head of hair was one of them. You’re welcome.  Long, flowing light brown hair with just a touch of body and a natural side part is what usually catches everyone’s attention for such a young princess.

The problem is that with long baby hair comes tangles–so many tangles, pony tails and clips (both of which you seriously hate), and a longer than usual time to brush and style each day.  All of which meant a daily battle when it came time to doing your hair.  Clips were no longer an option and pulling it up was a struggle.  You were sick of fighting…and eventually, so were we.

But I couldn’t cut your hair.  It was beautiful.  I loved it.  I really never understood what it was about a parent’s attachment to their daughter’s long hair.  I never tried to figure it out either.  I just always knew that I was one of those parents.

Maybe it is the sole way to preserve your youth–like the only part of you being a baby that I actually had the option of hanging onto.

tessa hair patch

You were born with this same full head of hair.  Shortly after, all but a small sideways patch of hair grew from the back of your head toward the front while the rest fell out.  Then it all came back full force and didn’t stop growing.  Your first pony was on the very top of your head.  I wrapped that band around it at least six times, but it was a legitimate pony…and it was so sweet.

tessa first pony

The summer before you turned one, you wore a clip in your hair each and every day.  Clips were the perfect accessory to every outfit, and you paid no attention to them being there. They also kept your growing hair from getting in your eyes.

Then you had your first set of pigtails.  Pigtails should probably be considered a statement style in every little girl’s hairdo history for two reasons.  1.)  Once there is enough hair to do them, it is a total game changer.  All of the sudden there are options.  2.)  They are cute as hell.  Everyone loves a little girl in piggy’s.


Over the last few months, your hair had grown down into the middle of your back.  It was sun kissed from summer’s rays and started to get a little wave toward the ends.  If you would have ever let me, I would have brushed it for hours.  These are the same strands you entered this world with, and something was driving me to keep this pretty hair long. Maybe it was how freely it would lay across your shoulders or how you brushed it from your face.

Maybe it was the fear of knowing that your upcoming chemotherapy could possibly make it fall from your head.  I wanted the first hair that left you to be from a haircut, not from a treatment…

tessa hair

Whatever it was, I felt like this was the time to do it.

Your first haircut was given by someone near and dear to you and to me.  I knew you would be most comfortable with her, and I was right.

She pulled your hair into a low pony tail.  Moments later she handed me what was your last pony tail with all of your baby hair.  Thankfully I was busy entertaining you with our tablet (or I would have lost it), but I fought back my mama tears while you sat perfectly still.  Each piece that fell to the floor shaped your sweet face from baby to big girl.  She finished with a heavily debated sway bang that made the cut even more perfect.

tessa first haircut

Is this just a post about a silly haircut?  I guess you could say that.  But this was big for you…and big for me.  It is more about how letting you grow means finding ways to let go of things such as baby hair…and maybe, just maybe, eventually that pacifier as well.

Change is good thing, right?

And can I just say of course you are still as cute as can be.

Love, Mom

2 thoughts on “Dear Tessa: First Haircut

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