Dear Tessa: My mover

Dear Tessa,

I don’t know if it’s my ninth month of pregnancy catching up with me or if trying to keep up with you these days is really just that demanding, but either way you have me exhausted  (which I guess I can use as an excuse for this late letter post that should have happened last month).  Even though you are not walking just yet, you have really blossomed in gross motor development over the last month or better.  Little lady, you are pulling yourself up to things and cruising pretty good around the furniture–all independently!  And every single time you successfully complete one of your stunts not only do you stop and take time to cheer for yourself, but you make sure whoever else is in the room best be giving you a standing “o” for your performance.  Rock on girlfriend.

birds nest

Unfortunately not all of your excitement lately has been, well, “exciting.”  Recently, your daddy and I discovered that you were beginning to bruise easily…way too easily.  So we requested to have some blood work done just to make sure everything was fine.  What first came back shook us to the core.  Your first result came back and we were told around 4 p.m. on a Thursday afternoon that we needed to go to the Children’s Hospital right away for additional testing to rule out the possibility of the “L” word or worse.  Well that’s what your dad and I call it because I can hardly say it–Leukemia.  I knew not what fear was until that word was mentioned.  It was a fear so real that it made me physically ill.  Knowing that this would not be uncommon, it paralyzed us.  On what had to have been one of the longest rides to Madison in our lives, we spent a large portion of the ride collapsed in the unknown while hopelessly maintaining optimism.

Your white blood cell count had climbed back into normal range, but your platelet count dropped.  Overall, this was news we could be pleased with.  Instead of checking in at the Children’s Hospital, we were able to go home.  Blood was drawn four times within the next week.  Your platelets kept dropping.  The hematologist told us she believed this would go away on it’s own.  We were told this was a case of Acute ITP and that your numbers would (hopefully) return to normal soon.  One last draw before you would have started an IV treatment and your platelets were climbing again!  Relief of the highest kind, I can assure you!  Now we are monitoring you.  You dipped slightly again last week so we have to wait and see what will be next, but I know it will phase you little.  You are far too busy to be slowed down right now.  Remember?

We just keep reminding ourselves that no matter what happens with all of your blood work that this too shall pass.  

march collage

As your mama, let me just take a moment to apologize for the last couple of weeks.  I have been wrapped up so much in accomplishing minuscule tasks at home and with work in preparation for your little sister, oftentimes forgetting to spend that extra five minutes or so with you.  I have also spent far too much time complaining about things that hardly warrant reasons for such grievances.  And the only excuse is that I am just tired and cranky.  But then you scoot over to me, pull yourself up and giggle hysterically and everything feels fine again.  Maybe I don’t listen to your dad enough when he tells me to slow down, but you seem to catch my attention just when I need it most.

By the time I write you your next letter, you will be a big sister.  I wish I could tell you when that would be.  I know undoubtedly that you will be a wondrous sister.

You won’t be my baby for much longer, but you will always be my first.

Love, Mom

37 weeks

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