To my girlfriends and mamas in waiting…

As I draw near the end of my pregnancy, I find myself thinking a lot about my dear girlfriends.  Some are expecting, some are trying, some may not ever have children, but right now to me they are all mamas in waiting.  And all I can think to do is tell them a few things that are likely headed their way in the weeks, months, and years to come.

Congratulations ladies!  You’re prepping to become a mom–a title that will take some time to get used to, especially when you say things like, “Do you want mommy?”, or “Mommy’s tired!”, or when you are called “Mama” for the first time.  Which leads me to jump the track for a second…if you are reading this and thinking “momma or mama?”  Who cares.  Seriously.

Where was I?  Oh yes, I was about the get sentimental.  I lost that now.  While having a baby is truly a blessing, I want you to know that there will come a time where you will be staring at that baby months after they are born, and it will be in the middle of the night after a scream-a-thon and it will hit you.  Everything you knew about your life prior to this baby will seem to have disappeared.  It may or may not return down the road, but there will be a time when it’s gone.  If someone tells you differently, I promise you they are lying.  Trust me.

You will soon trade sixty minutes for getting ready for twenty, and you will be a pro at it.  You’ll trade cute and snug comfy clothes at home for sweat pants and 99% cotton t-shirts…that’s right, your old high school basketball t-shirt or your partner’s XL pit-stained shirts and you won’t care.  You’ll trade long nights out downtown for some long nights crib-side, and when your nights out happen, you will recover slowly and more painfully than you have ever remembered.  Here are a few others:

  1. Lunch dates for afternoon naps 
  2. An empty tub/shower for a tub full of baby shampoo and water spraying animals
  3. Grey’s Anatomy for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
  4. Laundry day for laundry week
  5. An hour of privacy for a trip alone to the bathroom
  6. Cute designer handbag for an over-sized diaper bag full of every essential your baby will need for an end-of-the-world apocalypse, plus your wallet, sunglasses, tampons, cell phone and tylenol…and you will rock it like it’s a Coach.

You will find yourself leaving your little one to play alone because you will be too tired.  It happens.  What you do with that time is your choice, but you will get creative.  Your living room will be taken over by more toys than decorative Pier 1 pieces.  You’ll buy more AA, AAA, D and C batteries than you ever anticipated because every freaking toy around requires four of every different kind.  There will be times when you think you still “got it”  and sadly you’ll secretly question “I’m still pretty cool, I think?”  Like when you are alone in your car driving to the grocery store like it’s a vacation and you are rocking out to 90’s on 9 on XM.  Impressed that you still remember the lyrics to that Dr. Dre song, at the same time you’ll want to call him out for being inappropriate.  Sigh.

But I also promise that it will be okay.  Just put down that parenting book that has taken you five months to get half way through because in the end, you will use next to none of it.  You will rely on your own instincts and phone calls to your mother.  You’ll call your doctor way too many times.  You’ll overreact, but you will certainly adapt.   And yet these changes won’t end you.  You’ll laugh at it all because when you really think about how much you have changed, it will be funny.

So hang in there love.  Don’t take yourself so seriously.  And remember when you need or even get a wine break and you have no clean glasses:  Anything that is concave is capable of holding that Pinot!

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