Dear Tessa: Moments

Dear Tessa,

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Look at this.  Seriously. Over-sized snow pants, mismatching everything, a snowman without eyes and two happy girls.  Cuteness overload.  When it is 40 degrees in the middle of January in Wisconsin, we have to take advantage of it because that is just as good as spring break.

wpid-photogrid_1422474695477.jpgThis was the first time you had been out to play in the snow in two years.  It was also Kendal’s first time ever playing in it.  And even though neither of you could move easily or run whatsoever, we giggled at the sight of one another covered in snow after several tumbles–mom included.  It was the best.

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I knew getting you both inside would not be easy considering how much fun we were having, and I was definitely right.  Sweet belly laughs were followed by immediate tears and disappointment when I mentioned the word “inside.”  Nothing a little hot chocolate and marshmallow bribery couldn’t take care of.

I remember waiting for these days and wondering if they would ever be.  Disciplining myself to have patience through hardship taught me to savor the unwritten moments that often take us by surprise. Moments like this…wpid-photogrid_1422477835956.jpgJust recently you attempted to write your name, unprompted and unassisted, while taking a bath.  And you nailed it.  Or times like this…

wpid-photogrid_1422477811664.jpgWhen you and Kendal dutifully “fold” (and I mean that very loosely) the laundry.

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of you, and I can see in the mystery behind your big eyes.  Other times you are more transparent, allowing me to see and feel just how big your heart is.  “Mommy, you okay?  Need hug?”  Because I am definitely guilty of being emotional around you.  There, I said it.

Moments where you seek our praise and approval.  “Mommy, wook!  I did it!”  “Dad, ah-mere (come here), I make puzzle!”  Or when you struggle to find the best possible place on your potty chart for your Dora stickers after going to the bathroom, “This one okay?”  And we are happy to dish it out.

Kendal, eat supper.  I love you.

Case dog (Casin…yes, sometimes she calls him Case dog)!  Downstairs please!  Now!”  

These odd and hilarious conversations and commands that keep you and your siblings as close as ever.

It is in these moments where parenting you is most rewarding. Because I see the goodness you possess and how it blossoms more and more.  Some of it you’ve had on your own, and some of which you’ve learned from your surroundings.

wpid-photogrid_1421093980703.jpg Please keep these moments coming.

Love, Mom.

Goodbye 2014

So long 2014.  I am ready to bid the past year adieu resolutely.  Not out of angst or bitterness, but of certainty that it is time to move forward.  I have my right foot out in front, ready to take the first step into the new year.  It is time to renew myself and start fresh.

No grievances about the tribulations of the last twelve months, because I am thankful to learn from them–mostly thankful to recognize what I will have the chance to try again in the upcoming year.  And despite the heartache, there was goodness by the bucketfuls.  More than this little mama heart could handle some days.  Now what’s not to love about that?!

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That is what a new year is all about.  Renewal, reflection, discovery, second, third–hell even seventh chances, letting go of what cannot be changed and embracing whatever life may throw my way, challenging myself and opening my green eyes much wider.

I am blowing out the flames of 2014 like a birthday candle; wishing for clarity, health and happiness–and in no particular order.

 

Healing is the perfect combination of blending old and new, and finding balance in it all.  It takes time and in the process, I want to learn to stay true to myself and crave inspiration from life around me.  Not to change who I am, but to grow into a better version of myself than I was the day before.

Chin up, looking straight ahead without worry.  Because what good is it to worry anyway?

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Hello 2015.  I am absolutely ready for you.